Leaving Helen

This was written in 2019 after 3 weeks of traveling in Cambodia with a dear friend. I had been traveling alone for many months prior, and had off-and-on experienced deep loneliness. Traveling with Helen provided much needed friendship and closeness. I wrote this on a train as I was heading to Thailand, and Helen was leaving for home.

It’s amazing how easily I slip back into my Aloneness. I was afraid of leaving her. Afraid of what is would reveal. Afraid of the grasping talons of loneliness. But it’s different this time. My Aloneness. It’s not weak and fracturing. Now it feels solid, okay, empowering even. It’s a badge of honor, not a sign of failure. It’s a state of being. Neither good nor bad. Nor forever. Nothing ever is.